


Illuminating the Future

by endeni



Series: History [3]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Blanket Permission, Gen, Implied/Referenced Incest, M/M, Podfic Welcome, Post-Movie(s), Spoilers, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 14:14:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5629384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endeni/pseuds/endeni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An alternate take on the events of "History Repeating".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Illuminating the Future

Ben's parents got rid of him. His uncle, his _master_ , turned his back on him in disgust.  
His place was now by his new master's side, Supreme Leader Snoke, who was old and wise and had seen the rise and fall of the Empire itself.  
“You have to face your dark side, make it your own," Luke Skywalker had said to him once. "It's not separate from you. The Force is not all black and white. It's about _balance_.”  
Except, there was nothing in the Light for Ben Solo. And if being the great, powerful man he _knew_ he was destined to be meant joining the Dark Side then so be it. Let Ben Solo die and Kylo Ren be born.

His grandfather was Darth Vader. He had been the most feared, respected man of the galaxy.  
The only part of his family, of his legacy, he had left.  
Kylo Ren wanted to be like him, to be as powerful as him. To surpass him.  
Vader did turn to the Light at the end, to save his own son.  
Kylo swore to himself that if Supreme Leader Snoke asked it of him, he wouldn't make the same mistake.

And so it was.  
When the moment came, Kylo did what he had to, he didn't fall prey to _sentiment_. He made no _errors of judgment_.  
He pushed his lightsaber right through his father's chest. Then, he watched the light disappear from Han Solo's eyes, watched his body falling down the narrow bridge.

The scavenger girl, she had thrown him out of her mind. Not soon enough. He saw that, in the space of a few days, Han Solo had been more of a father to her that he had ever been to him.  
Just like that pilot he had captured was more of an heir to his mother than Ben Solo had ever been.

There was no turning back for Kylo Ren. He had know it ever since that night all those years ago, when he had killed his fellow apprentices.  
It had been foolish of Han Solo to even try.  
His loyalty was to the New Order. It was where he belonged.

After, it was pain. After he killed Han Solo, after the battle at the Starkiller base, after that untrained girl got the best of him, of his arrogance.

He spent the greater part of the journey back to his master floating in bacta.

When he came out of the tank, he took stock of himself.

Side, shoulder, leg, all healed. All visibly scarred.

Half of his right arm was metallic. Experimentally, he flexed his palm, closing it in a shining fist.  
Just like his former master.  
No, he told himself, like his grandfather, Lord Vader.

He watched himself in the mirror. His narrow, asymmetrical face was even more asymmetrical now. An ugly scar bisected his face, passing over his forehead, his crooked, too large nose, his right cheek.  
He took his mask in his hands and, like his grandfather, put it on over his scars. He hid a wince, as the mask pressed uncomfortably against his bandages.

Supreme Leader Snoke started his training.  
Day and night, Kylo Ren trained. He fought and sweat and _hurt._ And thought of the girl, wielding his grandfather's lightsaber, calling it to her hand.  
A sword that should have been his. His birthright.  
He could still feel the sound of lightsabers fizzing as they were hit by the falling snow. The burn of her blade as it came in contact with his own flash.

During the rare moments of rest, he took off his mask and contemplated his reflection over its surface.  
Such a shame, he kept thinking. There were still his lips, too full, and his oversized ears. Whenever he had looked at himself, he had never seen Leia Organa or Han Solo.  
How could anybody else?

Sometimes, he felt a ghost of touch on his scarred right cheek. His father's fingers, caressing him one last time.

He thought of that night, all those years ago. Dreamed of it. Of himself, killing all those children. Just like his grandfather before him.  
There was no turning back for Kylo Ren.

He trained and trained and thought: I have lost control of my life.

Then, came the moment of reckoning.

A battle, the greatest battle the First Order had ever fought with the Resistance.  
The Supreme Leader himself was on the flagship, personally overseeing all military operations.  
Suddenly, Kylo felt his master calling him, a violent, inexorable pull.  
He rushed to the bridge.  
There he was, among the smoke and the blaster fire, fighting against that girl and-  
Kylo had not seen that face in sixteen years.  
He activated his lightsaber, schooling himself to shake off all _sentiment_ , all _errors of judgment_.

Luke Skywalker, the girl Rey and Supreme Leader Snoke were interlocked into a breathtaking, lightning-fast fight. Blue, green and red blades swirling in the hair.  
Rey and his former master danced a symbiotic dance, they had the Supreme Leader pulling back from their combined assault.

The girl saw him approach and stilled herself, ready to face another attack.

Like my grandfather, Kylo Ren thought to himself.

He jumped forward, caught his master from behind.  
A swift motion of his metallic arm, a flash of red light, and Snoke's head detached from his body.  
It fall on the ground with a dull thud.

There, it was done.

Where there was only frantic motion and the angry noise of lightsabers crashing against each other, came a surreal stillness and silence.  
Kylo deactivated his weapon. Slowly, he let it fall to the ground.  
Then, he raised his hands up, went to his knees.

There was no turning back for him. No forgiveness. Not after everything he'd done.  
But here he was. Facing his dark side at last.  
He bowed his head in surrender, fully expecting a lightsaber to the neck in turn.  
His grandfather had been lucky, in the end. He had died protecting someone he loved. An heroic death. It would have been nice.

Except, he couldn't help raising his gaze to look into the impossible blue eyes of Luke Skywalker one more time.  
At the corner of his eye, he saw the girl rising her sword. A man on the back (that trooper-turned-traitor, a corner of his brain supplied) raising his own blaster.  
Luke Skywalker held up his right hand, the metal one, in a "wait" motion. They stood back.

All his life, Kylo had striven to follow the path laid out by his grandfather. Followed his example in all the wrong matters.  
It was so simple, all along it all had been so simple.  
He almost wanted to laugh.  
The truth was, try as you might, you just can't make yourself kill Luke Skywalker.  
Vader couldn't. He himself couldn't.  
Better to die.

He kept looking at his former master. No blow came, no words were uttered.  
Of course, he thought. It was unfair of him to make his former master kill him while he was watching.  
He took a breath. Bowed his head forward a bit more, lowered his eyes.  
What a mess, he thought. What a mess I made of everything.  
_Father_ …

The ship shook, hit by the Resistance fire.  
Kylo stood his place.  
Still no blow came.

Then, he sensed Luke's presence moving forward.  
A hand, extended in front of him, palms up.

Kylo Ren hitched his breath and dared to look up.

“Come with me, Ben, my boy.”

Luke Skywalker's presence in the Force was so bright, so strong. Even more than he remembered.  
It was pushing forward, engulfing him.  
_You've been so brave._ And: _I'll help you make amends._  
And underneath, a slow pulsing of _weariness-joy-sorrow-relief_.  
_I'm here. I'm not letting you go. Not this time._

Tears, rolling down his scarred cheek.  
Metal on metal, Ben took his master's hand.


End file.
